diff --git a/e2e/binary/false/BUILD.bazel b/e2e/binary/false/BUILD.bazel
index 8301ea9d44d03c5abce2626b8b290971c6f7984f..32cd2d8cf67163e242fc8dd1e661536d0c8988dc 100644
--- a/e2e/binary/false/BUILD.bazel
+++ b/e2e/binary/false/BUILD.bazel
@@ -1,11 +1,29 @@
-load("@bazel_skylib//rules:build_test.bzl", "build_test")
+load("@bazel_skylib//rules:native_binary.bzl", "native_test")
+load("@rules_python_pytest//python_pytest:defs.bzl", "py_pytest_test")
 
-# TODO: write an _actual_ test for `false`
+py_pytest_test(
+    name = "pytest",
+    size = "small",
+    srcs = ["false.py"],
+    data = [
+        "@ape//ape:false",
+    ],
+    deps = [
+        "//binary:pytest",
+    ],
+)
 
-build_test(
-    name = "false",
+native_test(
+    name = "version",
     size = "small",
-    tags = ["stub"],
-    targets = ["@ape//ape:false"],
+    src = "@ape//ape:false",
+    args = ["--version"],
+)
+
+test_suite(
+    name = "false",
+    tests = [
+        "pytest",
+    ],
     visibility = ["//:__subpackages__"],
 )
diff --git a/e2e/binary/false/false.py b/e2e/binary/false/false.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..9ee9dfab6d1757dacafc37582bd0d48ddfb9213e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/e2e/binary/false/false.py
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+from __future__ import annotations
+
+from subprocess import run
+import pytest
+
+from binary import Tool
+
+
+def test_false(tool: Tool) -> None:
+    binary = tool("false")
+
+    cmd = (binary, "Hello, world!")
+    result = run(cmd, timeout=30, capture_output=True, text=True)
+    assert result.stdout.returncode() != 0